Stranded in Turks & Caicos

Dear Dave,
you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside Parrot Cay
You didn't have to, but you coulda signed an idol for Jay
That's my little brother man, he's only 20 years old
We waited in the blistering sand for you,
For four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man, you made a fake fucking idol?
Jay wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein' lied to
Remember when we met in West Caicos, you said if I'd write you you would write back
See I'm just like you in a way
I never played in the NFL neither
We used to always cheat against the Lions and beat 'em
I can relate to what you're saying in your shows
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
'Cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of Stewie across the chest
Sometimes I even cut my grass to see how much it grows
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me, y'know
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you write it
My wife is wary 'cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Dave, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up, you gotta call me man
I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Gary, P.S. we should be together too