Stranded in Turks & Caicos

I think I have finally lost it...

After Tribal Council I was very upset. Drew told me Ryan had the idol. Drew told me that Ryan was going to play it. Drew told me he had Ryan in his control. Drew didn't have anything in fucking control. Drew is lying to me. I'm convinced that he is lying out of his ass. He either made that up to try and keep Ryan in his back pocket or the more likely scenario is that he found the hidden immunity idol.

I outed what Drew told me in confidence to Dale. Dale agrees that Drew going rogue makes him a problem and that he is losing faith in him. I might be stupid to tell Dale that, but I do think Dale likes me. I feel like Dale has my back. I think Dale thinks I can win and sees how powerful I am and will try and make a move on me eventually. I think I have done a good job of hiding my tracks though. I told Adam and Zeke that I do everything in my power to convince people that I am not close to him.

I really could give a fuck if Drew finds out. I will confront him when the time is right.

That being said...

I have pried myself on having a great social game and I have been very involved with strategy and collecting intel. I get information constantly from Danni, Caryn, Adam, Zeke, Dale, Joaquin, and Drew... Lydia has also started coming to me and perking up. Right before Ryan was booted Lydia told me how upset she is that Adam was being targeted and how she feels like we have fucked up and given the power to the Vet boys.

I am now in an all girl alliance. Lydia, Danni, Chrissy, Caryn, and I. Pussy Power... kind of. Please I'm not going to walk to fifth place with them. I need to get Chrissy out of the equation and I would like to do that without getting caught. I'm hoping possibly at this tribal council. Dale, Joaquin, Zeke, and Adam all want to take a shot at Chrissy... Caryn is not going to be down for that and it's going to be the first time that the girl squad puts up or shuts up. Lydia is key here. Lydia's closeness to Adam makes things complicated. Adam and Zeke are likely who Danni/Caryn/Chrissy want... and I could see Lydia flopping if it means helping Adam out.

Whatever the case... this round I am going to sit back... see what I hear and make a move when the time comes.

If I felt I had a better footing in the girls group I would be totally down for it... Caryn Chrissy and Danni are the three who would most benefit from that group. It might be a mistake to fuck over Dale/Joaquin... especially when they piss everyone off so much. I might be able to beat them more easily.

Who knows... A lot can and will change by the next live night.

I really want to win immunity this round...

Caryn got first place in the merge twist challenge. She unlocked the forum first so we can give her 1 official victory. Ryan won 1. I won the individual immunity searching for the flag race earlier in the game. Danni won the number murdering game.

Other players have also won, but they didn't finish in first out of everyone. Lydia was the second person to find a flag for her tribe pre merge. Dale, Zeke, and Gary also got immunity after finishing after Caryn in the first merge unlocking forum.

We are a very even keeled group. Chrissy, Joaquin, and Adam are the only people left who have not tasted individual immunity.

The Immunity Challenge was basically musical chairs meets Google. We were given an instruction and we had to match the instructions to the tee. The slowest player was eliminated.

I sucked.

It's hard to do these challenges while on the clock at my job. I think my boss is starting to notice a pattern of me slacking off around 8PMCST, but that's neither hear nor there.

As long as both Danni and Joaquin didn't win Immunity- I could have cared less who got it. I made it to the third round before misinterpreting the clue and getting knocked out of contention. I only performed better than Adam and Dale.

In the end Drew won and continued to give me reasons not to believe him. 'My Final Two' ally didn't even send me an Idol Clue.

The plan I put into motion was to snipe Joaquin out of the game.

I started my plan by revealing to Caryn that Joaquin told me about his idol, because Chrissy was so hung up on voting off fucking Dale. I don't know what Dale did to Chrissy, but she has been sprung on the idea of besting him- almost to the point of being childish. Caryn was a key piece in putting this puzzle together. I dropped the plan in her lap and she put it into action. It's perfect. The plan falls back on to Caryn, not me.

Joaquin's elimination will be my first major game move.

This Pussy Power, Golden Girls, All girls harem originally seemed like the stupidest thing ever, but I have utilized it to make a big move finally happen in this game. I know the jury thinks that I am stupid and just blindly following the vets and they are wrong. The reason why Gary and Ryan lost is because they weren't patient. I have been playing the long game. I have built relationships and earned a lot of trust to get to this point. It's time to see if I have the clout I think I do.

Joaquin is a great guy. He has pissed me off and I have definitely caught him in several lies or instances where he spilled things I told him in private to other players, but I still like him and I respect him as a game player. I am banking on his arrogance. Joaquin thinks he is in control and has this game in the bag. Joaquin wouldn't use the idol unless he has irrefutable proof that he will get the majority of the votes.

i still don't feel good about it. Not one bit.

The last fifteen minutes leading up to Tribal Council were a blur and so much happened that my plan to eliminate Joaquin was almost derailed in the last two minutes before you fucks cut the power off. (Cutting the power off is how I refer to the chats being turned off prior to Tribal. I paid my fucking bill, stop turning the chats off. You would honestly have more dynamic tribal councils if you did it that way.. and before you say it makes it more like the show...casting votes before tribal council questions hardly makes it like the show ;). I'm just being a nit picky bitch Lol, because it never fails, something happens right before everything goes silent that is important to my game).

First things first. I have to lie to Dale and Joaquin and play up the fact that I am on board with the voting off Danni plan.

I check in with Caryn who for a second seems like she is about to puss out on me and makes a remark about how nervous she is about Joaquin playing his idol.

I talk to Danni and find out that Chrissy and Danni are telling Adam/Zeke that I AM GETTING THE VOTE. What? Lol. Why? In what world does this make logical sense. Danni seemed dumbfounded when I told her that they immediately told me about what she said. I don't get why she thought that Adam or Zeke would ever trust her over me. I spent the majority of the game being their BFF's... I think this was unnecessary and if anything was an attempt to undermine the boys trust in me after tribal.

I really really wanted to tell Adam and Zeke the plan, but they kept harping on about how voting off Danni was the right move.... I thought I could get them to throw there votes, but without the context and reasons they would have asked so many questions and probably would have blabbed to Dale or Joaquin. Caryn made me promise to keep the boys out of the loop.

I check in with Lydia and she's ready, pumped, and she has surprisingly been on the same page with me. Lydia feels the same way I do. Lydia feels like she has been manipulated by the boys and she tells me about how she had an alliance with Dale, Joaquin, Danni, and Brian at one point... which was never told to me, so it gives some excuse ammunition for later...

Right before votes were due, I asked if Drew was going to be told about the plan to vote Danni, and for some reason Dale and Joaquin thought that was a genius decision... WHAT? LOL. I was starting to worry the vote would tie 5-5, so I had to do some snooping to find out what Drew was doing.

That's when Drew dropped Hiroshima on my ass.

'I AM VOTING FOR ZEKE. I THINK THE BOYS ARE VOTING ADAM. I ALSO HEARD FROM CHRISSY THAT SHE'S VOTING JOAQUIN'.

What?

Can you repeat that for the deaf people in the back?

I erupt on Caryn like Mt. Vesuvius. THAT BIG MOUTHED FUCKING RETARD CHRISSY TOLD DREW ABOUT THE PLAN TO VOTE FOR JOAQUIN.

I start panicking and was kind of playing it up. CARYN HOW DO I VOTE? DO WE STILL RISK IT? TELL ME WHAT TO DO? I want Caryn to include me in all of her future plans and if she thinks she can control me maybe she will go to the final three. I was already planning to vote Joaquin regardless.

I pretty much threw all of my cards on the table with this Joaquin vote. I have to see it through. If it works - Great. I look like a contender to win, but also start getting that hate stank from bitter jury members. It's time to stop straddling the line. The move has to be made.

I run to Danni - 1 minute to go before powers out- CHRISSY TOLD DREW SHE IS VOTING JOAQUIN. IF YOU HAVE AN IDOL YOU MAY NEED TO PLAY IT DOLL.

If Danni did have the idol that would have been perfect if she played it. Especially if Joaquin does too... Zeke would be eliminated in the cross hair which would be one less person I have to stab. Danni does not read my message.

The Power goes out.

Everything is silence.

My heart is pounding in my throat and I can barely focus on the calls I'm taking at work.

The 5 minutes to play an Idol beat on forever....

I wait till exactly 5 minutes to refresh.

The Idol was not played.

I am astounded.

It looks like I'm going to get away with this...

and by a vote of 5-4-1...

I pulled off the biggest blindside of the entire game thus far and have a big move to put on my resume.

What happens next though is what I have been dreading. It's time to face the mob of men who were not in on the plan.

I will answer these questions from my perspective following Ryan's removal from the game. I need to make a habit of answering these as they are posted. I always get too carried away with my own confessional writings that most of the time I indirectly answer these questions. I do have some juicy info that I forgot to report earlier about the Idol Clue and how I made a stupid mistake.

The first vet has just been voted out. It is now half vets and half newbies. How, if at all does this change the game for you?

Ryan leaving was another plan set into motion and fulfilled by me. Ryan made it really easy though. Ryan was a hot mess who had the detonator to a bomb strapped on his back and he pushed it knowing the consequences. Ryan claimed he had an idol - according to Drew which could be a lie? I wouldn't put it past Drew.

The game is about to get serious though. I am about to make my biggest most obvious game move that will have the most lasting consequences. I have two options with two very different outcomes. Go through with my plan to take out Joaquin or follow the vet boys one more time and eliminate Danni.

I have indirectly made Danni a target. Danni's decision to give me an Idol clue and not the boys was a gift from heaven that I just didn't deserve.

Danni, as the Immunity winner, was allowed to give the idol clue out to two different players. Danni sent one to myself and the other to Lydia. I however did not get that memo. All I saw in my private message box was IDOL CLUE #1. I spent all of the tribal council Ryan left at frantically trying to break in. I thought EVERYONE was given a clue and I was in this frantic race against time to beat Ryan before he found it and possibly had two idols in his pocket. (Alas that manorexic moron didn't have one, let alone two. That also goes for his balls ;p)

I failed to see the part of the message where it said COURTESY OF DANNI. So following the Tribal Council Joaquin comes up to me and is bitching about trying to figure out the Hidden Immunity Idol forum password and I, believing he has the clue cause I thought everyone received it as part of some twist to try and make tribal more scandalous, tell him how the clue clearly points to something musical. It has to be a song or the name of a band. Joaquin immediately stops me and asks me how the hell I know that. WHERE DID I GET A CLUE? That's when I go back and read the clue and see I just made the biggest fucking mistake of all time. I now am in a situation where I have to give the idol clue to the person I am planning on blindsiding. Now you might be face-palming, but hear me out, this was really a blessing in disguise. Giving Joaquin the clue makes him trust me more. The Idol clue has clinched Joaquin's trust for me.

I wanted to do a little test and see if Joaquin would run and tell Dale the clue, since Dale was also on. Joaquin made a comment about not telling Dale and having to lie about knowing about how clues worked. So I immediately sent Dale the clue and Dale asks me if Joaquin read it and I said yes. Dale's reaction proved to me that Joaquin didn't run his mouth for once. Dale responds with Joaquin just lied to me. I pretend to do damage control to Joaquin by saying I told Dale the clue but I also said I just sent it to you. LOL.

Despite my mistake with the Idol clue, Drew - Joaquin - Dale were a bros bro group that I infiltrated and was able to get not to trust each other.

Giving the idol clue to Joaquin and Dale, both made them distrust Danni and think she was a lying scumbag. Joaquin and Dale must have been aligned with Danni because Joaquin kept harping on about how he couldn't believe that Danni didn't give him a clue. Poor Joaquin. Sorry to break your heart, but you are no lady killer. Dale/Joaquin shift there trust off of Danni and on to me and decide that Danni now needs to go for withholding that clue from them. DANNI CAN NO LONGER BE TRUSTED.

So really... accidentally blabbing the Idol clue ended up working out for me in spades. Danni became a target, It made Joaquin trust me more and why wouldn't he? I haven't let him down yet and all my votes have lined up with his.

The vote wasn't really close. With the "easy vote" of Ryan gone, what happens next moving forward? Is there a new easy vote or biggest threat or least active? What's the main driving force behind the next vote?

Right now I am the swing in what happens next.

I have the power to take out two very different, but very strong players.

Joaquin, Dale, Adam, and Zeke are pushing to vote for Danni. They believe they have me and Caryn. They don't have Caryn at all. They think Drew is a mess because of all of his rogue votes and stupid choices. Dale also has this strange suspicion that Drew is in cahoots with Danni. I have no idea where he got that idea, but whatever, set yourself up for failure by having a rogue vote out there for no reason.

Lydia, Danni, Chrissy, and Caryn are pushing for Dale or Joaquin. Chrissy want's Dale out for personal reasons, but I'm playing the game strategically. An idol needs to be wiped off of the playing board. It has to be Joaquin or I'm not going along with the plan.

So as it stands I plan on voting for Joaquin, the only way that changes is if they try and switch the vote on to Dale. I will doubt there intelligence and just stay with the guys that I feel I can manipulate more easily.

The problem with sticking with the guys is that the jury will not give me credit. They will give Dale and Joaquin all the credit and I will be relegated to the dumb follower goat role.

That jury is filling up quickly. Who on the jury so far at this point in the game do you think you'd get votes from to win? Anyone never voting for you to win?

As it stands I don't see anyone on the jury that would vote for me to win. I could see Jim voting me if hes still on it just because I spoke with him more than a lot of the other people. I think Ryan would respect the fact that I told him to his face that I was voting him, but I also could see him using me being wrong about accusing him of having the Taino idol as a point against me.

I don't see anyone on the jury who would actively not vote for me. I just don't see anyone in there yet that are fully committed to giving me the prize. I have a lot of game to go to put things into action.

Although there's still a lot of game left, it's starting to get down to it. Only 10 left, what are you doing to ensure that you make it to the end?

I chose the people I might not be as close with, but whom I feel would be more likely to want me in the final three. I feel ike Danni, Lydia, and Caryn would sit next to me in the finals. I also feel like Adam would be loyal to me. I have given Dale ample opportunities to offer me a deal and he hasn't. I think Dale realizes my power and doesn't want to even chance me getting that close to a seat. Joaquin wants me to think he wants me at the end, but he clearly doesn't value me over Dale.

Chrissy doesn't care if I'm dead or alive.

Drew is too crazy and doing his own thing that I doubt he wpuld want me sitting next to him at the end.

What is your ideal FTC scenario? Who will be with you at the end and why?

If I could hand pick the final three I would want to be sitting next to Lydia and Chrissy. Lydia because she is very soft spoken and has not made any loud game moves, not enough to win. Chrissy is childish and is very rude and has rubbed people the wrong way, Dale especially. I think I could capitalize on her rubbing jurors the wrong way and getting a win in that scenario.

Do you think you're playing the best game as of now? What do you need to change if anything to take home the win? Don't forget as the game continues, you need to build that resume of yours to win the game.

I think I am playing a great game. I have a lot of trust built up- I just need to get my game resume to match my social game play and I think I will be the biggest threat to win. If Joaquin goes that will be the first of many power moves, hopefully.