[Lucy]

Everyone in this game can't help themselves. They are gossips. They all blurt shit out like secrecy is the devil. It's infuriating.

If everyone would keep there fucking lips shut and think about the long term it would make this a much easier game. I don't know why I thought for one moment that I could put my trust in someone and not expect them to run there flapping gums not even two minutes later.

This all starts with Ryan. Ryan has been jonesing and running around like his dick was sliced off and he's looking for a doctor to sew it back on. Ryan is so fucking paranoid that he is going to be voted off that he literally has been going to people and speaking as if he's a fucking politician with a platform. He is ANTI THE VETS. THEY ARE BAD. THEY ARE MEAN LIARS. THEY HATE ME. I HATE THEM.

Ryan tells me that Dale has been throwing his name out. I asked him who told him that and he said Gary and Danni did.

Danni has been messaging me back and forth as Ryan gives us his sales pitch. Danni keeps acting like she is so torn and doesn't know what to do and she sees validity in what Ryan says... so naturally, I believe Danni told Ryan. Danni is acting super suspicious... and I want the vets to know that they need to stop fucking telegraphing everything they plan on doing to Danni or this alliance they have planned is not going to work.

I tell Joaquin about Ryan's antics. I mention that Ryan placed blame on Danni/Gary for how he knows he is being targetted. Joaquin ignores my advice and .2 seconds goes by before Danni is venting to me how Ryan is a dickhead and a a liar. Joaquin broke my trust, ran his mouth to Danni, and for what? He seriously just caused a big fucking drama for no reason. Danni is fuming and rather then make this into a bigger ordeal I come clean because it's super fucking obvious that Danni knows what I told Joaquin.

I send her what Ryan sent me (not screencaps as per the rules). I come clean to Danni, tell her that I doubted her because of what Ryan told me, and that I'm sorry.

Danni is explosive and hot headed and also loose lipped. Danni spreads so much information that I know it's going to get back to Ryan. Danni will either fight Ryan and call him out or she will tell Gary and Gary will tell Ryan.

All Joaquin did was cause an uncessary drama. I now don't trust Joaquin and if his name comes up I am tempted to jump on the band wagon and kick him out.

[Lucy]

The merge is shaping up into two factions.

The Vets: CARYN, DALE, DREW, LUCY, CHRISSY, DANNI, and JOAQUIN

Middle Players: CHRISSY, DANNI, and LUCY

The Gary Cult: RYAN, GARY, LYDIA, CHRISSY, DANNI, ADAM, ZEKE, AND LUCY.


We have three players playing two sides. Chrissy, Danni, and I.

I am trying my best to convince Adam and Zeke to break away from the Gary Cult. Gary and Ryan stabbed them in the back. Why on earth would they trust them? It was so needless and if they would do it once, they would do it again.

I think it's in my best interest to vote along with the Vets + The Taino Boys.

Knock Gary and Ryan out... or at least two members of the Cult... and then me and the Tainos flop back to whose left to knock a few vets out.

If we go along with Gary and Ryan we are walking into a minority situation and they already potentially have two idols. Lydia having 1. Gary and Ryan having the other. We would be walking to 5th, 6th, and 7th at best.

In a perfect world my plan will work out.

Given how mouthy and fucking stupid these people are it won't. I gave these vets a little too much credit. They are all about drama and not that intelligent. They don't care about winning, they want chaos, and it's stupid.

I wish Ryan wasn't such a lunatic and Gary was more trustworthy. I would hop over in a millsecond, but they are so sketch.

I'm also falling in love with Caryn. I trust Caryn. I believe she will always be open with me. I may not be her main ally, but she just makes me sane.

Adam has proven to me that I could always trust him and now that I have no doubts about that stupid alliance chat from round 1 created by toolbag Joaquin, I know I can believe him.

Zeke approached me to reteam a Taino alliance.

I have lots of options.

It's going to blow up in my face though if this first vote doesn't go right. I am so worried about an idol and all of this double talk I've been doing is starting to unravel. I need to stop putting my face in these vets and giving them information. They clearly don't respect me enough to keep knowledge amongst themselves. I trust Caryn. I trusted Drew, but as things progress, I see that he is apart of that school of thought. Provoking and causing drama is stupid.

[Lucy]

Faith not face.

Dear Lord can you turn editing on?

[Lucy]

Now that you've had some time to decompress from the craziness, let's do a recap.

After the first challenge and council, Hannah is voted off. Then everyone in the game is blindsided with a fauxmerge and live vote.

Do you have any regrets about the live council, wishing you had spoken up more?

I don't have any regrets about the live tribal council because in the end it worked our perfectly. I will admit that I was terrified and needed 30 Ativan to calm me down, but it was like poetic justice. It was fate. Karma always gets you in the end when you treat people with condescension.

I don't think me speaking up would have been in my best interest. I have played my cards pretty close to the chest and it would have been stupid to jump up and target someone. Especially the players I don't know. It was in my best interest to just keep my mouth shut and look pretty- which after seeing my merge picture is an impossibility- one of my eyes are fucking hooded- I LOOK LIKE THE VILLAIN FROM FUCKING MULAN.

How does that council affect your game going forward and what were your thoughts on the outcome of Brian leaving?

Brian leaving was a love letter to players who get too cocky and think that they have this game in the bag. You may laugh at me for being paranoid or overthinking things, but it does you a world of good to expect the worst... you don't walk out of the game looking like an arrogant jerk.

Brian left looking like a poor sport who grossly miscalculated the game. You have to expect the unexpected. If he would have named Drew as his target he could have easily walked to the merge. People would have latched on out of fear. Instead he chose to be quiet. No matter who left, it was on themselves.

Were you surprised by any votes?

I was surprised by the vote for Zeke. Surprised that someone was stupid enough to cast a vote against someone who was immune. I was surprised that my name didn't come up. Lydia and Chrissy could have both easily written my name due to never meeting me ever.

Does this make you want to play a bit more aggressively now having seen that anything can happen?

Aggresive? No. I plan on playing smartly. I made my first mistake in this game with the Joaquin/Danni/Ryan drama and I really need to take it on the chin and learn from it. I need to stop trying to put trust in people that don't consider me apart of there end game plans. I just need to absorb information and keep my fucking yap closed. I need to get to know everyone and make them like me enough so that they will vote for me to win.

Finally, what are your thoughts on the merge tribe and the makeup of the people here?

I think it can be divided into three catergories. VETS. FLOATERS. CULT MEMBERS. Brian's head was lopped off and Gary's has grown up in his place. I consider Gary to be the cult leader. Gary has Lydia and Ryan snowed. Hell he has the Taino boys literally unphased by his betrayal.

I see the Vets consist of a lot of big mouths who just want to blow shit up. I see the vets as easier beats in the finals due to how they react and treat people. Drew, Joaquin, Dale... it's all drama and causing messes.

I am a floater. I hate how people say they hate floaters. Most of the most intelligent winners of any reality show are considered floaters. You have to have a good social game and keep your options open to keep yourself alive. I think Danni and Chrissy are playing very similar games- only Danni's a little more hotheaded.

[Lucy]

I kind of skipped over a lot of things that happened to anger write about the drama that happened earlier.

I will write some stuff tomorrow... explaining about some of the more pivotal moments of the night.

[Lucy]

The Immunity Challenge was AMAZE-ING! Not really, I sucked, and there is no real narrative to give about it. It was a maze. The maze was. It was! I sucked ass. I went the wrong direction twice and it took forever to realize that I had locked myself into a fucking corner both times.

The only person on planet earth that we did not want to win Immunity was Ryan. GUESS WHO FUCKING WINS? Ryan. Damnit Damnit Damnit. Let the mad dash begin.

Everyone was pretty much on board with sending Ryan to be burned at the stake and I was the only person saying that I think it was a stupid idea. Does anyone not think it's odd how forward Ryan is being? He has been walking around carrying some brass balls in his little panties. Are we sure he doesn't have an Idol in place of where his dick used to be?

I can't believe how nonchalant everyone is acting about fears of the Idol.

Joaquin revealed to me that he has the Lucayan Hidden Immunity Idol and that I am the only person he told besides Danni and he's paranoid that Danni is going to tell everyone. I think that's a legitimate fear. Joaquin telling me about the idol was calculated on his end. He knows he made a boo-boo with me yesterday and he wants to keep me on his side so he threw me a little piece of information. Smart move on him. I still will think twice before I give him any important information.

The Taino Idol is one of two places. In Gary or Ryan's pocket.

With Gary immune... it's time to flush it out or kick Ryan's closest ally to the curb. Do to all the drama that happened to Danni it's like... no one knows who they can tell.

Caryn is suspected of being close to Danni and possibly leaking the boot to Gary through osmosis. Chrissy, one of the vets, has been annexed from the Vets central boys club... she can't be told whats going on. I have Danni up my ass trying to figure out who the votes are between. I'm having to try and keep Adam/Zeke quiet and with the plan and even Zeke can't contain himself. I tell him NOT to tell Caryn about the plan... and he fucking blabs anyway...

I seriously don't get why no one can keep there mouth closed. What is the fucking problem with silence? They need to listen to Madonna's Secret and get with the program. I now can't voice my deepest thoughts to anyone.

Ryan is running around trying to push for Dale to be voted off.

Gary notices people are being quiet with him and it's so obvious that he was tipped off about the vote...

I'm freaking out that everyone just being OK with an idol possibly being used. Dale is nonplussed. He's pretty much like- If it's me, it's me.

That's some bullshit and I am let in on why. I have been freaking out about an idol being played and of all people, my final two ally that I have stopped trusting, Drew tells me who has the Taino Idol. It's in Ryan's possession. Ryan has it. Ryan has only told Drew and Gary. Ryan won't play the idol on anyone but himself so Drew hands me the metaphorical Xanax to calm down.

Before Drew told me this I was trying to rally people to vote for Jim. I told Caryn that's what I was thinking about doing... but before I can tell her I am voting Gary- THE FUCKING CHATS ARE TURNED OUT. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

This is going to be a mess.


And it is....

I was happy to see the idol was not played, but what happened next baffled me and it took me an hour of stopping and sussing things out to piece it all together.

The vote ties. 5-5-1-1-1. Drew, Dale, and Jim get rogue votes. I immediately think. FUCK! CARYN IS GOING TO BE MAD AT ME. SHE VOTED JIM. Second thought is THANK GOD I DIDN'T ADAM WOULD BE GONE. Third thought... ADAM IS FUCKED ANYWAY WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT. THERE IS NO WAY THAT PEOPLE CHANGE THEIR VOTES FOR HIM....

We revote and not only does Adam stay... it's 7 to 5.

Gary, a very strong player, is gone. The plan worked. I stressed out for no reason... but the aftermath of this vote has me questioning what the hell happened.